Facing Fear

Dear Readers,

We leave for Boston this week.

My anxiety about the bone marrow transplant comes in waves. Sometimes I am perfectly calm, relieved even, that the end of this cancer is finally within sight. Other times, I feel as though I am hanging on to my sanity by a mere thread. This treatment will not be easy. I am afraid. In the moments when the fear is too much, I remember my father’s recent words, “you’ve been through worse”.

It’s the truth.

I have been through worse. In July 2010, I almost died from a mysterious infection. I spent 10 days in the ICU and woke up on a ventilator, with liver failure, receiving dialysis. Additionally, the neurosurgeries of this past spring were certainly not a walk in the park. Compared to all of these emergent situations, what is one month at a prestigious cancer institute receiving a bone marrow transplant that could cure me of ALL forever? Is fear really a warranted reaction? Or am I exhausting myself before even arriving on campus?

I can’t take credit for surviving either ICU or my neurosurgeries. There were prayers being said for me during both of these crises and, without those positive thoughts and vibes, I’m not sure I’d still be here.

The treatment plan, for while I am in Boston goes as thus:
9/15 – Admission and Hickman placement
9/16 – Chemotherapy
9/17 – Chemotherapy
9/18 – Total Body Irradiation (TBI) – two times a day, 20 minutes each time
9/19 – TBI
9/20 – TBI
9/21 – Actual transplant

Designed to wipe out my immune system, I expect treatment to be exhausting. I expect treatment to make me nauseous and uncomfortable. I fully expect to be in the hospital for at least a month, or until my new immune system rallies.

Daisy grow kit

A couple of weeks ago, I received a basket with a variety of goodies in it—including the above daisy growing kit. For now, until I am cleared to garden again, the kit will remain as it is—unused but full of potential beauty—just like the future.

Please continue to send light and love our way. We can’t do this without you.

With Love,
Laura & Seth & Co.

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2 thoughts on “Facing Fear

  1. Dear Laura, I’m glad you don’t have to wait much longer for the transplant. Obviously you are strong in the face of adversity, but even so, anticipation of something like this is really hard. I will be thinking of you and looking forward to hearing that you’re doing well and getting back to all the things you love. Sending healing thoughts and prayers!
    Susan

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  2. Dear Laura,
    I want to apologize for not be as attentive as I should be! Life is crazy for the both of us in VERY different ways! I think of you daily and wonder how you are feeling. I don’t want to bother Seth as he’s probably just as exhausted as you are with everything that is coming your way. All you need to know is that YOU are the strongest person I know! You will get through this whole process with the help of Seth, his family, your family, and all of your amazing friends and extended family! Not to mention, all the people you DON’T know who continue to pray for you all! I can’t imagine what you are going through, but there are times I am scared for you. Then, I remember everything happens for a reason. Stay calm, keep positive, block out all negativity, and focus on your beautiful, wonderful, future with Seth!!! I love you Laura! I’m sending tons of prayers, hugs, and love your way!!!

    Ps. I hope you brought your blanket

    Love,
    Summer

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