A Study

First, Dear Readers, thank you for your prayers, love, and light while I was in Boston.

view of Fenway

The check-up portion of my visit went fairly well, although I did learn that I may have to remain immunosuppressed (without a functioning immune system) for longer than the average bone marrow transplant recipient. Why? I’ve had Graft vs. Host Disease (GVHD) so many times that it might have to be considered a “chronic” disease instead of just an acute condition.

Currently, the GVHD that I have is managed with my anti-rejection drug, which essentially suppresses my immune system. I have also been on a steroid for a fair bit of time. Long-term steroid use, unfortunately, can lead to other health issues, such as bone density loss and for some individuals, muscle wasting. Due to these negative side-effects, in “chronic” cases of GVHD, the patient often participates in a clinical trial or study. I don’t know yet if I have “chronic” GVHD—but if I do, and if it is offered, I will consider participating in a study.

Studies can be frightening (no one wants to feel like a guinea pig in a science lab), but studies can also save lives—or, at the very least, improve the quality of life—mine and maybe someone else’s, too.

There was good news at this latest appointment, too! My liver enzymes were normal again! I also started my vaccinations. I know it sounds strange, but I was elated to finally receive my Tetanus shot. The timing was perfect; a day or two later, I sliced my thumb open on a can.

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Secondly, I wanted to thank you for your patience while I was away from my blog. I realize that this post, too, is short. My legs (not exactly sure why) have been causing me a great deal of pain. I feel as though physical pain drains creativity.

Healing, as we all know, takes time.

Once again, Dear Readers, thank you for all of your kind support. Please continue to send prayers, love, and light. I need them. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

With Love,

Laura

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Just Some Quality ZZZ’s, Please

Squishy

Confession: I’m 31 years old and I sleep next to a stuffed animal every night. More precisely, he’s a unicorn named Squishy. I’m not sure why, but I’ve been tremendously anxious lately. So, in an attempt to calm my nerves, I sprayed Squish (that’s his nickname) with lavender-scented perfume. It helped…a little…but I still didn’t make my big goal of sleeping in until 6am. I made it to 2:22am.

Like a lot of people out there, I don’t sleep well. I tend to be restless. When I do dream, I usually have outlandish nightmares (and not the good kind that can inspire writing projects).

Why am I sharing this? Because I am on the hunt for ideas to help me sleep.

When you, Dear Reader, have difficulty sleeping, what do you do? Do you listen to music? Do you have a glass of warm milk? What works for you? What doesn’t work? I am open to suggestions, so please send them my way!

We go back to Boston this week for another check-up. We will also be going to Burlington for a neurology appointment. It’s going to be a busy week; please keep the light, the prayers, and the love coming. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

With Love,

Laura

Prescription for Gratitude

february-flowers-2-1635

A sleepy hush seemed to fall over the apartment as I sat down to write this post. The tea in my cup was warm, soothing. Both of my fur babies were curled up together on the end of the couch. Another weekend had come to a close and although I was tired, although I was still in a tremendous amount of pain, I couldn’t help but feel grateful.

Grateful for a weekend spent celebrating birthdays with loved ones.

Grateful for the sights and sounds of beautiful Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Grateful that I have this life at all.

This kind of gratitude—in the face of physical pain—is not something that comes easily to me. I struggle with it, every hour of every day, but it’s something that I feel compelled to write about. To share. To maybe shore up my resolve in the pursuit of it.

I couldn’t tell you when or why I first made the decision to actively cultivate gratitude. Its roots have been forgotten, as lost as that first gratitude journal, but the practice itself has survived. Every night before I turn out the bedside lamp, I write down three things that I am grateful for. The things I list could be the names of family members or friends. Other days, I might record happy events that occurred during the day. Some days, I write down what I eat because, some days, that’s all I can find to be grateful for.

The magic of a gratitude journal is not what you write down, but that you write something down at all. Sometimes it’s the really, really minute things that soften your heart and help you realize just how fortunate you are.

With this in mind—and the fact that constant physical pain is accompanied by the temptation to be a Negative Nelly—I decided to turn my mind even more toward gratitude. Keeping a gratitude journal at night has, on many occasions, shifted my perspective.

So what would happen, I wondered, if I started my day by listing three things that I’m grateful for?

Or, if I paused in the middle of the day to recall three additional blessings, would that have an effect on me?

And, if I faithfully turned to my gratitude journal each night to record three more things, would I finally be able to both see and believe that my blessings outweigh the pain in my back and my legs?

The experiment is young still, Dear Readers, but I am finding that that this self-prescribed regimen of gratitude three times a day has given me something to smile about. It’s something I look forward to. And, it reminds me, that even amid physical discomfort, there is always something to be grateful for.