Facing Fear

Dear Readers,

We leave for Boston this week.

My anxiety about the bone marrow transplant comes in waves. Sometimes I am perfectly calm, relieved even, that the end of this cancer is finally within sight. Other times, I feel as though I am hanging on to my sanity by a mere thread. This treatment will not be easy. I am afraid. In the moments when the fear is too much, I remember my father’s recent words, “you’ve been through worse”.

It’s the truth.

I have been through worse. In July 2010, I almost died from a mysterious infection. I spent 10 days in the ICU and woke up on a ventilator, with liver failure, receiving dialysis. Additionally, the neurosurgeries of this past spring were certainly not a walk in the park. Compared to all of these emergent situations, what is one month at a prestigious cancer institute receiving a bone marrow transplant that could cure me of ALL forever? Is fear really a warranted reaction? Or am I exhausting myself before even arriving on campus?

I can’t take credit for surviving either ICU or my neurosurgeries. There were prayers being said for me during both of these crises and, without those positive thoughts and vibes, I’m not sure I’d still be here.

The treatment plan, for while I am in Boston goes as thus:
9/15 – Admission and Hickman placement
9/16 – Chemotherapy
9/17 – Chemotherapy
9/18 – Total Body Irradiation (TBI) – two times a day, 20 minutes each time
9/19 – TBI
9/20 – TBI
9/21 – Actual transplant

Designed to wipe out my immune system, I expect treatment to be exhausting. I expect treatment to make me nauseous and uncomfortable. I fully expect to be in the hospital for at least a month, or until my new immune system rallies.

Daisy grow kit

A couple of weeks ago, I received a basket with a variety of goodies in it—including the above daisy growing kit. For now, until I am cleared to garden again, the kit will remain as it is—unused but full of potential beauty—just like the future.

Please continue to send light and love our way. We can’t do this without you.

With Love,
Laura & Seth & Co.